Yes, it's time to update OEinNY to note my newest "change in status."
The box on my little grad school to-do list next to "Pass Oral Exams" has been ticked off as of last Thursday.
Now things can get back to a semblance of normalcy around here. For example: I can start filing all of the file folders I accumulated during this process. I may need a bigger filing cabinet.
Please note the new Subtitle of the blog -- comments? Thoughts? Anything more poetic?
Also -- the best line of congratulations on my survival of last Thursday's exams came from my best friend's husband who noted in part:
We will now, of course, begin referring to you as "Master of Phil." Just exactly who Phil is, and how he's going to take this new role of servitude, I'm not sure.
May you rule justly over him.
Something more substantial tomorrow. For now, I'm just glad I already planned my nine AM class. Meaning: more time to be properly caffeinated before I show up to teach.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Same Old Blog, Spiffy New Subtitle
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I am a leaf on the wind...
It's funny, but the closer I get to my exams, the more serene I am -- during my serene periods, that is. When I'm not serene, I'm obsessively reading something. Yesterday it was re-reading and taking notes on Chaucer. Last night? Bede's De Arte Metrica, and the work on Tropes that I can't remember how to spell (thank goodness these are orals, eh?) Today, I'm prepping for my final meeting with my major list adviser. Which means reviewing Bede and Aelfric, reading some articles (and a book) on the same, and then...well, whatever seems to be next on my list.
I've resisted the idea of making a schedule of my work, right to the very end. That's a bit new to me. I know what needs to be done -- I could probably make a list of it. It's mostly note-taking and articles now. A few stray Canterbury Tales I wouldn't mind re-reading (though given that I lectured on the Pardoner a year or so ago in a class I TA'd for, perhaps my notes for that will suffice). Maybe a few "sit down and write about what I said I was interested in" sorts of exercises. I definitely need to re-write my Chaucer list justification.
That's the funny part of all this. The oral exams have already accomplished what they were supposed to -- I have a dissertation topic, even if to date my favorite way to express is "Time does weird things in vernacular texts dealing with the "English" nation in the periods immediately pre- and post-conquest." So really this is a formality. A chance to dress up, get very nervous, and prove (once again) I know more than I think I do. Doesn't make me any less scared, but it does lend a sort of a serenity of purpose to the whole exercise. This one more thing, and then I can start writing. This one more thing, and it's on to building a career. Whatever that means.
Speaking of serenity, my current mantra:
I am a leaf on the wind, watch me soar.
Those of you familiar with Joss Whedon's Firefly and the movie it spawned will recognize that as a recurring line for the Wash, the pilot of the ship named the Serenity. Never mind that the last time he says it, he gets impaled by in-coming spear. Not bad, as far as last words go.
Off to study, then. 9 days and counting...
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Quarter Century: Update
This past Monday, I turned 25. At the time I was still in North Carolina. At 25 and 1 day, I returned to New York. I settled in.
And I began reading Chaucer.
I continue to read Chaucer, finding interesting little tidbits of Troilus and Criseyde which I hope will blossom into a full fledged post one day.
But with 28 days to exams (in 5 minutes, 27) I'm no longer promising.
But while you're reading my pointless post, I'll be useful: go read the first and second posts in the first ITMBC4DSoMA (In the Middle Book Club For the Discerning Scholar of Medieval Arcana*). I curse the gods of interlibrary loan that have yet to allow me a copy of the book, as well as my deep fear of the upcoming exams -- for both of these have rather limited my participation. Ah well. Thank goodness for academic blogs -- it reminds me that even in the thick of Chaucerian romance and questions of authority in translation, there's still time (albeit stolen time), for monsters and cannibalism.
footnotes
____
*I'd like to point out how sad it is that I can somehow recall what this fabulous acronym stands for and yet if you asked me to name more than about ten of Aelfric's Lives of the Saints and distinguish them by method of death, I'd probably struggle more than a little...
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The "countdown" began awhile ago, but now I can officially say: oral exam date is set. September 6th from 2 to 4 pm. I could count it down in hours now if I wanted. But I won't.
I'll admit to a little nervous twinge when I saw that. I've been waiting to schedule this thing for so long I'm not quite sure what to think that I know not only a day but a time. The positive: I'm teaching beforehand. And as it's only the second day, I'll be in the segment of the course I've invariably been most fond of over the past year -- the part about monsters. But yes. Now it's just a day at a time, and remembering that (as a particularly wise colleague of mine said to me a few weeks ago) this isn't "a destination, a deadline or a monument" (I quote, which said friend I hope won't mind, because it was just too good to paraphrase). It's just the day where I have to sit down with my advisers, tell them where I've been, what I've found there, and where I'm going next.
And as Julian of Norwich so wisely said: And all manner of thing shall be well.
This post jumps ahead of another one I've started writing, on my experience translating the prologue to the Anglo-Norman Seint Aedward le Reis, and I'd imagine that once it's done it will also have more to do with the process of trying to translate a language that is not only a bit bizarrely categorized (French of England demonstrates that fact quite nicely), but which also has the distinction of being a language I haven't technically learned. I also just started in on Bob Stein's Reality Fictions, a book I've been meaning to read for an age and am only just now getting to. I think this might be an academic book so good I read most of it in one sitting. That's a rare feat. But yes: more on that as well, next time. For now, I go to read.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Old English in New York, One Year In
Well, last Friday, in my whirlwind of finishing small projects, answering student pleas concerning papers and extensions, and reading Margery Kempe -- I managed to overlook posting on the one year anniversary of starting my blog. It all began on the 27th of April, 2006, with the statement that April is not the cruelest month, per TS Eliot's poem.
I've avoided, in the past year, writing what I think is an obligatory blog considering the reasons I have for blogging, and for doing so anonymously. It's not that such things don't concern me -- rather, I've been letting this blog develop as my own work does, tracing both frustrations and excitements as I went through this crazy process of struggling for exams.
Lest I get too meta about all this, the real purpose of this blog was to trace my orals progress. Granted, so little got done in the first months of the blog that much of it was focused on outside thoughts and considerations and ideas. I don't think that's a bad thing. In fact, a lot of the most enjoyable writing I've done has been on the blog rather than on papers I've turned in. My hope, this summer, is to get back to the texts. I've been charged with really living with the texts I'm working on for my exams this summer. This blog -- my work blog, as I refer to it when it comes up in conversation -- has been of much use this past year, making connections with other medievalists and anglo-saxonists, allowing me to enter conversations I might not otherwise have participated in. But I hope -- and we'll see how this goes -- that during this summer, while I study in the Wake Forest library, I can use this space a little more diligently to trace ideas I find in texts.
Most importantly, tho -- I get to go to Kalamazoo again this year, and I will be attending the blogger meet-up (wherever it ends up being held). And the 'zoo -- as anyone who knows me knows well -- always makes me happy. Let the countdown begin! And the rewriting of the paper commence!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
In Other News
It's April. It's finally warm and sunny here in the city, and I'm grateful for all of that.
Other things I'm grateful for:
- Undergraduates who are working on fascinating final papers (including: evolving attitudes towards sexuality in America as seen through swing dancing styles; digital memes and the construction of "the human"; Chechen separatism and geography; the EU and the evolution of a "European Identity"; Radicalism and Digital Culture). I've had a great group this year -- they've been patient with my own, orals inspired delays and have followed me on every scary intellectual trek I've wanted to take them on. Moreover, they helped me learn how to be a better teacher by being vocal when things weren't clear, etc. What a great group!
- Friends who have gotten me through one of the more difficult years of my PhD thus far.
- Translation workshops in the Writing Division here. For two semesters now I've been taking translation workshops and it has entirely changed the way I relate to Old English poetry. Particularly because I now relate to it -- as poetry. The beauty of Old English wasn't exactly lost on me before, but there was a gap there. I was always "looking for the wanderer" but I hadn't realized that as ambiguous as the poetry seems, and as many possibilities as it opens -- it is still grounded, still a poem. It sounds almost silly when I articulate it -- but by learning to not tolerate every ambiguity, by simply learning to make choices when it comes to the poetry -- it became something new for me.
- We're at something like 2 weeks to Kalamazoo!
I'll start with the good news: I passed my pre-oral. 16 hours and 36 pages later, I have good ideas that are worthy of pursuit, and I'm really, really pleased with that. I feel like I know what my dissertation is going to look like. Besides a monster, because that much I knew.
The slightly more ambivalent news: I am postponing the actual oral exam until September. There are a variety of reasons for this -- not least of which is I didn't want to ignore my brilliant students in these final days of the semester, scheduling difficulties, etc. Most importantly however, my advisers and I decided I needed to linger a little longer in the texts themselves. I've got the ideas of my dissertation beginning -- now I need to make sure that when the time comes, I have a wide knowledge of my field. Or perhaps more accurately -- a deeper knowledge of the texts in themselves.
I'm (finally) happy with this decision: I wasn't looking forward to rushing through the rest of my Chaucer list. Ultimately, this is a much more humane way of doing things. So that's a check in the good column as well.
Thanks to all the well-wishers and those keeping their fingers crossed for me. As my adviser said -- the test is over, and I've passed. Now I can relax and just read again. Which is a fine way, I think, to spend my summer. And I get back the pure joy of reading, which is lovely.
In the mean time, of course, I need to get my Kzoo paper polished up. Presented it to my colleagues yesterday, and got great feedback. Now I just have to incorporate it!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
An Absence at the Center of Being
When I was in a seminar my first year of graduate school on mystics (which integrated not only readings from mystics texts but also from a variety of theoretical sources), I encountered, for the very first time, Michel deCerteau, in his The Mystic Fable. On the second page, he writes these compelling lines:
The One is no longer to be found. ‘They have taken him away,’ say so many chants of the mystics who inaugurate, with the story of his loss, the history of his returns elsewhere and otherwise, in ways that are the effect rather than the refutation of his absence. While no longer ‘living,’ this ‘dead’ one still does not leave the city—which was formed without him—in peace. He haunts our environs. (2)
As part of my final preparation for my oral exams (still not certain, but coming up in a mere three weeks, if I have my way about it), I’ve been reviewing several mystics: Hadewijch of Brabant, Hildegard of Bingen, Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe. I’m struck, endlessly, by the mysteries of these women. When I was writing a paper for this course, I remember being annoyed by how what I was trying to write wasn’t really what I wanted to be writing. However, ideas eluded me – I couldn’t quite articulate what it was I wanted to find in these texts, what it was that I was longing to hear. My professor noticed, and in one of the greatest conversations I’ve ever had with a professor, said that although she knew I was onto something, and trusted that it was a significant something – I was refusing to let it come to the surface, and I wasn’t being up front with the real purpose of the paper.
I spent that summer (it was a Spring course) thinking about her words. I realized, sitting at home in the library at Wake Forest, that the reason I couldn’t be explicit about my interests in the paper I was writing was because, in some form, my interest in the mystics wasn’t about their writing. Rather, it was about that indescribable something that deCerteau postulates in the form of “the One.” I didn’t want to read a mystics’ text as a text – I wanted to mine it for the remains of an experience.
In short, I wanted to know – and in truth, I find, still want to know – what happened to these women. The class was frustrating for me – as is every encounter I have with mystics, including tonight. At the heart of these texts are real women, writing about something that had happened to them. Maddeningly enough, no one ever seems to ask the question that, upon much reflection, I think may well be unanswerable: Did anything really happen to these women? Were they crazy? Or did they really have an experience of – for lack of a better word – the Divine?
A pastor friend of mine (one of the approximately 50% of my friends who went to seminary) laughed when I asked him that. His response: it isn’t yours to know. That’s not what literary study is – if you want to know if they saw God, then you’re in the wrong field.
And yet, as I sit here, tonight, in the middle of the most severe rainstorm I’ve ever had in NYC – I wonder if he was right. Because when I think about it – it seems like a lot of the answer to any of those questions has to do with how you define the concept of the “Divine,” not to mention “experience” – and language is most definitely part of my business.
And I wonder if this experience – intense, overwhelming, painful – doesn’t come from seeing the world Otherwise. What I mean by that is seeing the possibility beyond the limitations of the human, beyond the limitations of our small knowledge and short lives. I don’t know what it could comprise – except perhaps, the possibility of a fundamental human lack. Of what? Unknown. Perhaps it’s precisely that – some vague feeling of being incomplete – being unfinished.
It reminds me of Tom Stoppard’s line from RAGAD:
“Dying is not romantic, and death is not a game which will soon be over... Death is not anything... death is not... It's the absence of presence, nothing more... the endless time of never coming back... a gap you can't see, and when the wind blows through it, it makes no sound...”But something, no matter if it was indescribable or if they were mad – something happened to these women. And I guess that’s why I keep coming back to them, over and over again. To find the absence that haunts them. Not to fill it, not to make it disappear or explain it away. But to linger there – to mark in memory their words, to ask them (metaphorically, of course) what they experienced. I ask this question, without hope of answer, out of respect – not paid to an intangible notion of the God who tortured them in his absence – but for the hope they so often recorded in their suffering and longing.
Now, if only that were something I could talk about in my oral exams...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
...I Survived
The two day preoral is, I am proud to say, complete. I essentially completed two term papers in as many days -- 16 pages in eight hours on Friday (on Alfredian prefaces) and 20 pages on Saturday (on the experience of time in the literature I'd read -- focused on Bede, Augustine, Aelfric and Beowulf). Both of the questions were really challenging -- I only got them at 10 AM each day, then spent hours and hours on writing them. Again, mostly pleased with the results -- particularly the fact that my work in the pre-oral got me to work in some texts I'd thought were no longer relevant in my work. I'm starting to think that my dissertation will be less about translation in Medieval texts but about writing in time.
But I suppose I should wait and see whether or not I passed. We'll see. Meeting with both of my advisors is after Medieval Academy...I wonder if I'll have to wait until next Thursday (which is when I will meet with them...) to find out. Eep.
That said, the most important part of all this is that I managed to turn it out, and I'm semi-proud of what I did. It's about learning, and confidence -- and if there are two things I'm sure I've got now, those are it! I also found out, quite usefully, that eleven hours of writing in one day tended to leave me unable to communicate verbally except through type. Not to mention curled in a ball on the couch. Though it should be added I was curled in a ball on the couch watching Doctor Who. That makes it a little different.
And now there's time again for posting, though I have to admit it will take me awhile to get back on the ball with that. I'm written out!
So for my post-Easter and post-Passover posting (well, nearly post Passover, as that ends at sundown today) -- some literature on the most important of all Springtime animals. They come out every year around this time, fluffy and colorful and sugary. Some are rabbits, some chicks, but they are all marshamallow-y fun:
Peeps! They're for Passover too!
and more importantly, scientific research is being done to find out the many wonders of these resilient little creatures.
In closing, I continue to listen to the Carmina Burana, compulsively. I promise, it has nothing to do with the fact that they were first described to me by my medieval Music History prof as "medieval university drop-outs." Although -- well, never mind. :)
,Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Deep Breath Before the Plunge
So, in keeping with my interests -- a multimedia presentation of my day tomorrow. Well, it's not so much multi and two media -- but it's still pretty cool.
First, we have the bookshelves, arranged by focus. These are only the books on my major list, of course.
Second, we have the list. And it bears being told that my friend who studies Renaissance made my list look absolutely stunning -- but blogger won't let me show you that. Here's the reduced coolness version.
Primary Texts
I. Bede
a. The Reckoning of Time
b. Historia Ecclesiastica
II. Alfred and his circle
a. Orosius
b. Prose Translation of the Psalms
c. Translation of Gregory’s Cura Pastoralis
d. Augustine’s Soliloquies
e. The Old English Boethius
III. Ælfric
a.. Ælfric’s Grammar
b. Ælfric’s Colloquy
c. Ælfric’s Saint’s Lives (Selections)
i. Preface
ii. On the Nativity of Christ
iii. Of the Prayer of Moses
iv. Of the Memory of the Saints
v. Of Auguries
vi. Of False Gods
d. Ælfric’s Homilies (Selections)
i. First Year
1. On the Beginning of Creation
2. The Nativity of the Lord
3. The Nativity of St. Stephen Protomartyr
4. Of the Lord’s Prayer
5. Of the Catholic Faith
6. Dedication of the Church of Saint Michael the
ii. Second Year
1. The Nativity of the Lord
2. Another Vision
3. On the dedication of a Church
4. The Pater Noster, the Minor Creed, the Mass Creed, Prayers
5. Of Penitence
e. Preface to Genesis
IV. Laws
a. Selections from Early English Historical Documents, Vol. 1
i. Wihtred
ii. Ine
iii. Alfred
iv. Aðelstan
v. Edmund
vi. Edgar
vii. Eðelred
viii. Cnut
V. Letters
a. Letter of Cnut to the English People (1019-1020)
b. Cnut’s Letter of 1027
VI. Chronicles
a. The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, ed. Swanton
b. Selections from Early English Historical Documents, Vol. 1
i. Historia Brittonum (Simeon of
ii. Historia Regum (Roger of Wendover)
iii. Flores Historiarum
iv. Bede Continuation
v. Reigns of the Danish Kings of
vi.
vii. Other Annals and Chronicles, pp. 313–326
VII. Poetry
a. Beowulf
b. Exodus
Secondary & Theoretical Texts
a. Robert Hanning, Vision of History in Early
b. Robert Young, Colonial Desire: Hybridity in Theory, Culture and Race (Chapter 1)
c. Mikhail Bakhtin, The Dialogic Imagination
d. Walter Ong, “Orality and Literacy: Writing Restructures Consciousness”
e. J. J. Cohen, Hybridity, Identity, Monstrosity in Medieval
f . Allen Frantzen, Desire for Origins
g. Adrian Hastings, The Construction of Nationhood (Chapters 1 and 2)
h. Nicholas Howe, Migration and Mythmaking
i. Nicole Discenza, The King’s English
j. Alice Sheppard, Families of the King
k. Benedict Anderson, Imagined Communities
l. Patrick Geary, Myth of Nations
m. Homi Bhabha, Nation and Narration (introduction)
n. Brian Stock, Listening for the Text
o. Kathleen Davis, “National writing in the ninth century: A reminder for postcolonial thinking about the nation” (JMEMS, 1998)
p. Augustine, Confessions Books 9-12
q. Sharon Rowley, “Judgment, History and the Sinful Self”
r. George H. Brown, “Meanings of interpres in Aldhelm and Bede”
s. Erich Auerbach, “Figura”
And finally, my secret weapon:
It's what every Anglo-Saxonist needs the morning of her exams. Oren's Daily Roast: Beowulf Blend. Now what monster can't I face with that!
See everyone on Monday!
Playlist: Pre-Orals Edition
Clearly, among the more important things I can do the night before my two day pre-oral exam begins is make a playlist for the 2 or 3 hours before 10 AM I'll be up. So I've spent the last few minutes putting together some of my favorite music into my Pre-Orals Playlist. There'll be more later (i.e., the list itself, which is, I think, in its final form) -- but for now, here's the music I plan to get me through the morning...
- Sweet Home Alabama, Lynyrd Skynyrd
- Aliens Exist, Blink-182
- Will It Ever Stop Raining, Saw Doctors
- Head Over Heels, ABBA
- Invisible Sun, Sting and Aswad (from X-Files Soundtrack)
- Landed, Ben Folds
- Accidentally in Love, Counting Crows
- Mr. Spock, Nerf Herder
- Pleasant Valley Sunday, Monkees
- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Elton John
- My Life, Billy Joel
- Mamma Mia, ABBA
- David Duchovny, Bree Sharp
- N17, Saw Doctors
- One Week, Barenaked Ladies
- Boys of Summer, The Ataris
- Dress Up In You, Belle and Sebastian
- Dr. Who On Holiday, Dean Gray (a mix of Dr. Who and Green Day!)
- Kate, Ben Folds Five
- This Side, Nickel Creek
Secondly, "This Side", by Nickel Creek. Theatre Sis bought the second Nickel Creek CD for my birthday, right before I left for France my junior year of college. The lyrics are perfect for anyone facing big changes and/or events -- and/or journeys. I feel like orals is, in some ways, all of this -- and so the final words of the song work perfectly:
And the funny thing is -- past the "gotta read one more homily" thing, and the compulsive organization of my books -- I'm pretty sure I'm not. I'm just...ready.
Your first dawn blinded you, left you cursing the day:
entrance is crucial, and its not without pain
there's no path to follow once you're here
you climb up the slide and then you slide down the stairs.
It's foreign on this side, but it feels like I'm home again.
There's no place to hide -- but I don't think I'm scared.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
T minus 2 days and counting...
So, in other news today -- my pre-oral will be two days long. Friday and Saturday, one question each day. So that should be fun. Plenty of stress time in between. Though I have to say my adviser knows me well: part of her decision in making it two days long was so that I'd sleep instead of working on the questions for a full 24 hours.
I'm feeling fairly psyched after two wonderful, productive meetings, with my second major list adviser and one of my minor list advisers. I am also adding Beowulf back into my exam, which seems like the right move. I was going to miss him! Also, I think it will be a productive space to try to think about temporality and the problems that arise when a sort of hybrid temporal space is inhabited by a character in the text (Beowulf is many things, but I don't think a firm argument can be made that he's fully Christian -- and the time of the text at least is a nominally Christian time, or at least a time aware of Christianity. I think).
And I acknowledge, that's entirely a half thought. Maybe the other half will come after some refreshing sleep.
Clare Lees' talk was amazing -- it's funny, but she actually has the status of being the first Anglo-Saxonist *other* than my undergraduate adviser that I heard speak. My sophomore year of college, she gave a talk on Heaney's introduction to his Beowulf. Five years later, I'm glad to say that Lees still gives some of the most provocative and interesting papers I've heard. I always come out of her lectures with endless amounts of energy.
And the webcomic of yesterday...a perennial favorite in my NC family household. I still remember when Theater Sis introduced me to it. The words "and life was never the same" come to mind...so, get ready to look SOOO good! and enjoy Homestarrunner's Teen Girl Squad.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
T minus 4 days and counting
Today's webcomic comes to you from qwantz.com. I've always imagined that if God Himself was asked to weigh in on the Intelligent Design v. Evolutionary Theory issue, he would answer in a way not unlike this comic envisions it.
Still reading, still working -- as a sidenote, tomorrow begins Passover, and a Jewish friend has invited me to his family's Seder. I'm excited -- since I'm keeping Passover this year (as my room mate is Jewish, and it just seems wrong to eat things she's not supposed to all week), it seems appropriate. And given that my Lenten penance this year was a rather lame "giving up not taking care of myself"...it alleviates a bit of my Catholic guilt.
As does the Good Friday suffering of an orals exam. :)
((also worth reading -- about my level of coherence at this point, too!)
Friday, March 30, 2007
And now -- it's really official!
As of yesterday at 5 pm, I have scheduled my pre-oral exams. They will take place next Friday -- April 6. Yup, Good Friday. It's my morbid Catholic streak coming through with the scheduling -- but I'm quite psyched. Had a fabulous meeting with my adviser yesterday, and am feeling much more ready. I even have an overarching method to the way I'm trying to consider these texts: Looking at ways in which intellectual genealogies are formed via the resurrection of certain themes and foci in such works as the Historia Ecclesia, de Temporibus, Cura Pastoralis, Consolation of Philosophy, Catholic Homilies of Aelfric, and so on. Much of it focuses around Alfredian postures and invocations -- but also on the rather fractured "contemporary" looks at Alfred himself.
I'm really quite pleased. And more than ready to go!
In other news, my adviser and I were talking about the sermon on the creation of the world, and wondering idly whether Milton knew Anglo-Saxon. Lo and behold, I tune into blog lines this morning and see Michael Drout's post on his completion of the OE Genesis poem for his Anglo-Saxon aloud program. And sure enough, Milton at the very least knew Anglo-Saxonists (in the form of Francis Junius).
And if you haven't subscribed to the podcast for Anglo-Saxon Aloud -- I'd highly recommend it. Such a wonderful resource to have!
In still other news, this week has been prospective student week, and I must say I am once again (as always) deeply impressed by the medieval admits here. A really great group of people, ones I would be happy to have as colleagues. I love this time of year. It's so energizing.
